Sex,drugs & rock-n-roll?

I have always been an advocate of the 3 principles to live by(i.e. sex, drugs and rock-n-roll.) I actually have tried my best to immerse myself in these things since I first discovered the joy of each of them. Drugs came early and sex came quick, but rock-n-roll is in my blood. Since I was a young little music geek I have played rock as well as studied bands to try to dissect trends and fads to find patterns and discern why I like some bands and hate others. In other words, I have thought longer and harder about music than most people who get paid big money to critique and pontificate on this subject. It is to these people in particular that I must vent my rage tonight.

First, just a bit of background. I come from an extremely musical family. Both of my parents as well as my siblings and I play and sing and have all our lives. My dad was a teenager in NYC in the 50's and had a front row seat to the birth of this wonderful art form. He saw and loved all of the early RnR artists and also performed in bands as well as wrote songs that were recorded by local artists. He had a passion for the music that was shared by my mother, an accomplished singer and piano player. Music was always in my house. In high school, while I was supposed to be studying for term papers I would just spend hours in the local library pouring over microfilm copies of old Rolling Stone, Cream and Crawdaddy magazines. I was voracious in my quest to know everything about the bands I liked and to read every interview I could find. But my proudest moment came in the early 90's when I found out that the Rock and Roll Hall of fame was having a sponsorship drive for the building of it's facility. My dad bought me a membership in the first year and I became a founding member of the Hall of fame. I still carry that card in my wallet. I got tickets (which were never used because let's face it, who plans a family vacation to cleveland) as well as my name on a plaque outside of the building. I continued to contribute to the hall of fame yearly until a strange thing happened: they become the lamest organization in the world!

I just got a look at the inductees for 2008 and I cannot contain my anger anymore. Madonna, the Dave Clark 5, the Ventures, Leonard Cohen and John Mellencamp. I am very familiar with these artists and could go into several reasons for each why most deserve not to be gracing this hallowed hall, however, that's not the point. The point is that the pompous assholes who make up the selection committee have their heads so far up their asses that they have lost touch with what matters most: the artists that have made a lasting contribution to Rock and deserve recognition as such. There are artists such as Genesis, Rush, Deep Purple, AC/DC, Rick James,
King Crimson, Luther Vandross, George Benson, MC5, Yes, Jethro Tull, the Commodores, Boston, The Faces and many more which have been eligible for years who are not in the Hall yet. Why????? Because instead of inducting these deserving artists who have influenced countless numbers of people (not to mention sold hundreds of millions of records between them all) the hall chooses to induct "media darling" artists such as Patti Smith, Dusty Springfield and Leonard Cohen. My question to you is; when was the last time you heard a song from any of those people on a rock station. The answer: NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's one thing to think that you have to be "hip" and show your musical knowledge by nominating fring artists who may have influenced other artists you like because it makes you look cool and above the treacle. Guess what , you pompous, self-absorbed, dilettantes; the rest of us like and listen to real music made by these artists who we spent money to see live and whose records we use to engage in sex and drugs, not tire roundtable discussions about nixon's culpability or the fact that even though Patti Smith can't carry a tune in a bucket, she can turn a phrase like Lenny Bruce filtered through Kerouac.

The committee who inducts the artists has gone away from the artists who were obvious and had to be inducted to putting in their favorites just because are a closed and exclusive private voting organization and they can. For fucks sake, The Eagles were inducted 8 years before Black Sabbath. Even today, every teenage boy who picks up a guitar learns "paranoid" loooong before "peaceful, easy feeling." I wrote an email to the Hall of Fame 3 years ago pointing this out, (at the time Black Sabbath wasnt even in the Hall of Fame) and the polite but condescending response I received was that the committee nominates and then votes upon the artists they deem most worthy that year. Look, I know you guys hate Prog-rock and R&B, but goddamnit, the rest of us don't. It's time to stop inducting the abstract poets of music and acknowledge the artists you may not like, but that have stuck around for a long time and produced music that meant a lot to millions of Rock fans.

When the Hall inducts Leonard Cohen who sold 5 albums to some journalism majors at Carnagie/Mellon in 1967 but refuses to induct Genesis who sold over 150 million units worldwide (according to wikipedia) there is something wrong. Get your shit together next year and induct the artists who have toiled and made lasting music. You may not like Deep Purple or you may think that Teddy Pendergrass was a fluff artist, but millions of people disagree. As for those people, if you agree with me, forward this article as well as any choice comments of your own to: president@rockhall.org. Let them know that you're mad as hell and you're not going to take it anymore!
Love you all,
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Better living through chemistry?

One of my (few) favorite things about television are the commercials for designer drugs available now to make life more livable. I think that it is a great time to be alive when we can treat everything from hair loss to ingrown toenails with a simple pill. Who would want to cure cancer when that irritating canker sore is really keeping you up at night. It's gotten so that I saw a commercial for Bristol Myers/Squib with the tag line that they are working to "Cure the serious diseases." If you have to distance yourself from the competition by telling the general public that you are only researching how to stop terminal conditions and not attempting to find a pill for anal warts, perhaps it is time for the whole industry to re-consider it's priorities.

Of course, the thing that really makes the ads fun to watch are the side effects that can occur when you take the drug. If you have an enlarged prostate, you may be able to treat it as long as you don't mind abdominal cramping, headaches and the occasional alien bursting through your stomach. At least you will have a full stream of urine to soak that 12 year old Thai boy you saved up all year to go visit and keep for a weekend of fun and frivolity. (Sorry, that's another post.) By far my favorite is an ad I saw for the drug Requip which is FDA approved to fight RLS or restless leg syndrome. I had no idea that restless legs even had their own syndrome, much less that is was such a pressing medical issue that it required years of research, lots of funding, medical trials and of course a major ad campaign complete with plenty of shots of a newly liberated-from-his-horrendous-condition grandpa smiling with absolute bliss while pushing his granddaughter in a park swing at dusk in slow motion.

The side effects are amazing (and this is straight from their website as well as the commercial): " Requip Tablets may cause you to fall asleep or feel very sleepy during normal activities such as driving; or to faint or feel dizzy, nauseated, or sweaty when you stand up. Tell your doctor if you experience these problems or if you drink alcohol or are taking other medicines that make you drowsy. Also tell your doctor if you experience new or increased gambling, sexual, or other intense urges while taking Requip. Side effects include nausea, drowsiness, vomiting, and dizziness. ".......I don't even know how to respond to that. How does a drug aimed at stopping your spazzy legs give you INCREASED URGES!!!! And why the hell would you want to take it. Your legs might not bother you anymore, but there is a good chance that you will not be able to afford the drug after you piss all your money away on internet blackjack and cheap hookers who will do the things your wife said she would not even do to Justin Timberlake enticing her on a bed made out of money and pottery barn gift certificates. I would also venture to say that any drug that could make you fall asleep during "normal activities such as driving" perhaps needs to go back to formula. The worst part of it is that the drug has been given the government stamp of approval. Damn!

I do not want to be too harsh on Requip. There are plenty of drugs out there now which will cure your mundane afflictions if you are willing to risk increased chance of nose bleed or anal leakage, it is just that Requip is the silliest one I have ever seen advertised. From the condition it treats to the possibility of you falling asleep at the wheel in order to find relief, it takes top prize in my pointless "search for a cure" contest. Most people would probably suffer any of these side effects if the drug cured heart disease or MS, but I guess the pharmaceutical companies have different priorities.

Until next time,
bottoms up, pillheads!

First blog-what a thrill! Life is finally worth living.

Good evening,

I am going to attempt to come to grips with the "blogging phenomemon" and try to fill this space with useless ramblings and opinions which carry no weight and are probably offensive to the majority of people. If you like it, drop me a line and let me know. If not, fuck off. I will post more in the coming weeks. I hope you enjoy. And remember kids....God is a lie and your mother doesn't like you nearly as much as you dream she does.

Till next time keep in mind,
Drunken children tell the ugliest lies.

L. Ron Bloggard